"The entrance of thy words giveth light (Psalm 119:130)."
How to Forgive
One of the most painful experiences in life occurs when someone has wronged us and the Devil gets a foothold as a result of unforgiveness. The amount of pain can be incredible. Lives can easily be destroyed—and the offense doesn't even need to be that serious.
God promises to torture us if we fail to forgive others (Matthew 18:21-35). Our sin of unforgiveness gives the Devil a foothold which he will use to cause emotional pain and/or physical distress (Ephesians 4:26-27).
Next time this happens, you will quickly realize you're in a war. And that every thought is a battle. To eliminate the foothold, it is necessary to take "every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5 NASB)."
The war will take time to win. There may be many battles. Here's some tips to help you win. Because, despite how bad you may feel, you can win the war!
First, make a firm decision to forgive. This is always the first step. Until you make a firm decision to forgive the other person from your heart, you can make no progress whatsoever.
You can implement your decision by saying "I choose to forgive him" every time an angry thought comes up.
Second, "love your enemy." I don't want to either, but the alternative is continued pain! The Bible tells to love as a matter or principle—not as a matter of merit. Practice loving the person you are angry at when angry thoughts come up. You may be amazed at how much relief this brings!
Third, pray for those who have wronged you whenever you start to think about them: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44 NIV)." Make a habit of doing this--this will also bring a lot of relief.
Fourth, more prayer. When Satan gets a foothold, you will feel pressure to dwell on the wrongs you have experienced and the person who has wronged you. The more you think about these things, the worse the foothold will become. Self-effort will often be inadequate since you are facing a supernatural enemy—empowered by a spiritual foothold. But you can always pray against the forces of darkness. You can pray—and keep praying fervently—until you get some relief.
Fifth, pray for God to help you change your heart. He will. But you will probably have to do this a number of times. Also, get someone to pray with you.
Sixth, express your feelings in a letter to the person you are angry at. End the letter in forgiveness. This letter—which usually should not be mailed—will often help to discharge angry emotions.
Seventh, occasionally, remember something good that the person has done. This will facilitate forgiveness since it will help you remember that there is some good in everyone. It is very difficult to forgive someone you regard as totally evil.
Eighth, especially in regard to children and siblings, remember the person at an earlier time in their life before their behavior became ugly. You can visualize the hurting child and then forgive this person. It's a lot easier.
Ninth, surrender the problem to God. Wait until He makes it clear what to do. Don't make things worse by acting rashly.
Tenth, get wise counsel. Others may see the issue more clearly than you since they are not emotionally impacted.
Eleventh, confess sinful thoughts that are inconsistent with forgiveness: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9 NIV)."
Twelfth, stop thinking about the incident as soon as possible. Even once the foothold is gone, thinking about a painful incident will still produce stress. And thinking about a past wrong will often resurrect angry feelings so you will have to forgive all over again: "Forgive and forget."
Thirteenth, as a general rule, avoid the temptation to turn to psychotropic medication. This is a spiritual issue, not a medical one. Medications are bad for your health. They usually don't work well. And you won't be able to learn to control your thinking while you are on them.
Finally, be persistent. The foothold may take time to demolish. Endure the pain. Keep trying. Never give up. God will give you the victory—in time.
"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all (Psalm 34:19 NIV)."
Note: More information on dealing with this issue is included in the article on Anger Management.
